INTROSPECTION.... a word which I came to be familiar with about 4 yrs back.... My teacher advised me n my classmates to undergo this act of self analysis to discover n pursue a better person within ourselves.... Like most of the advices which came my way those days, this too got neglected __ Or let me put it in a better( or worse) way, I chose to believe that I didn't need it then.....After so long,,,, Just Starting to realize that, I have started something like that,.... Not out of any one's advice..... But a self triggered, spontaneous, occasional analysis of myself which went unrealized for many times.... Seriously, wasn't aware of such a process taking place within....
As a teenager, each one of us must have had a partially-true (as opposed to false... which would be disregarding ourselves) belief, a self respecting-proud one though, that we have matured enough to face the problems that come across our way...." Will you please grow up???" Every teacher, every parent, every elder would have made such an imposing dialog to you somewhere around that period of your life..... But I chose to believe they were wrong.... I chose to believe - I am mature...
Stepping out of those school shoes, stepping into a larger scene of life,,,, where I didn't have my faithful true school friends around me 24/7,,,, where I didn't have any teacher who seemed to me like my mother.... I got lots of free lonely time to brood.... Thinking of what I thought in my teen ages, emerged a realization, that we are still growing up....
Now, when I turn back, I don't see any aspect to regret about..... but there were situations where I could have acted mature....!!! Many times carried away by emotions, prejudices, frustrations, over-enthusiasm, over-confidence n pride, I jumped into conclusions which could have been a little more reasonable and pleasing.... Once when the teacher calls you prejudiced, you say within, "I'm not one, Instead I believe you are......"
She asks you to introspect about your actions and thoughts, and u say, "Yeah I used to do it..."
But later you realize, she was not prejudiced, she was just foreseeing degradation of your soul, character, talent...
After some unhealthy years of selfishness, competition and very little (not zero anyways) compassion and truth in relations, I miss ma school life, I miss the affection.... I realize the high voltage problems awaiting me,,,, Hyper reactive people who are gonna crowd me,,,, Fearsome huge rival trucks waiting to run down me in future roads......
Yes...!!! I'm tensed about ma future.... but not hopeless.... Probably I have taken up a huge risk in life, which may go either way.... YEAH....DESTINY WILL SWING MA WAY...!!! IT SHOULD....
- All these are my crazy thoughts.... at 3.30 am of a Sunday..... So disregard the crap as u feel...
- I miss ma school life....
- Dedicated to my most special teacher, who used to tell me, "Stop eating my brain..."
